They're remaking the 1983 Nicolas Cage movie Valley Girl. But it will inevitably be stupid because The Valley practically doesn't even exist anymore.
Valley Girl is set in The Valley (which you probably don't even know where that is unless you live in Los Angeles) in the early '80s and features some of the best alternative and pop music from that era of any film made during the same time. It's one of the few films in which Nicolas Cage is sober and actually not obnoxious; in fact, he's endearing. It's a wonderful film, and I'm so sad to say it's going to be remade with some brand new young people who look like 30-year-old retired models and will be a MUSICAL instead of having good music in it.
Some guy named Clay Weiner (huhuhuhuhuh) is going to be in charge of it, and he got the okay to do it from MGM, or Paramount, or whichever owns the other, by showing them a short demo of the musical numbers he wants to throw in there.
Yes, it will still be about a new wave punk dude who meets a rich, popular girl from Sherman Oaks and falls in love despite the chagrin from her ex, Tommy, and her shallow friends. But this time, the actors will sing the great songs that were included in the original.
Here's why this is stupid: No one outside of Los Angeles even knows where The Valley is anymore (not since the film Clueless came out in 1994, anyway) because kids are stupid these days. Also, the Sherman Oaks Galleria, one of the main sets for the original film, was torn down in the 1990s and now consists of one Urban Outfitters across from a Cheesecake Factory. You know they won't feature DuPar's, the diner where all the kids hang out in the original, because now it's where old poor people go. And they certainly won't be filming the prom scene at my old high school, Harvard-Westlake, again because, seriously, I don't think the school is going to make that mistake twice. The Valley has mostly become a cesspool of poverty, and immigration and white flight into only the most southerly parts have rapidly changed the face of the city.
So, what we'll get is a movie that is about a bunch of kids who look like they're 30 because of how much makeup is piled on their faces to cover up their plastic surgery and some really embarrassing song-and-dance numbers, probably filmed nowhere near The Valley.
I've decided the easiest solution is to not watch any of the remakes--then your love for the film is not sullied. Let the kids have their corny version.
They're remaking the 1983 Nicolas Cage movie Valley Girl. But it will inevitably be stupid because The Valley practically doesn't even exist anymore.
I've decided the easiest solution is to not watch any of the remakes--then your love for the film is not sullied. Let the kids have their corny version.
Zak Willis from West Philly