Life is mostly shit. Do we agree? Today has been a shit day, and to top it off, I find a glib little news teaser on Cinemablend waiting for me about how the Suspiria remake is going to be directed by David Gordon Green.
Dario Argento, of course, created the original Suspiria, a horror film known for its gorgeous lighting and fairy-tale like ethereal quailty. David Gordon Green, otherwise known as That Guy Who Directed Pineapple Express, is going to direct it.
"Gee, Heidi, what's so fucked up about that?" He directed fucking Pineapple Express, dick. Oh, and that stupid Jonah Hill pile of shit, The Sitter. And that other piece of shit, Your Highness.
I guess at one point Natalie Portman was rumored to star or yadda yadda, etc., but now has turned 30 so won't playing the role of a teenager anytime soon (not that I will, either).
Why are there dicks in the world who go, "I'm friends with Seth Rogan and stuff; can I just make a movie? Hand me 50 million dollars? I'm going to add some much-needed boob and cock comedy into that story and probably Jonah Hill too, or Danny McBride." Go fuck yourself, David Gordon Green.
Here's the trailer for the original Suspiria, which, to be fair, makes little to no sense and has some atrocious acting. But a great soundtrack.
I was thinking of posting about this, but I should've immediately figured you would jump on it. Here are some "choice" quotes from a Movieline interview:
"I think fans of that movie will see that we’re taking those concepts — and in some cases those scenes, and in some cases those exact shots and dialogue —and expanding on it and making it very artful. And hopefully, horrifying."
"We got the rights to the Goblin score, so we're going to use that. Steve Jablonsky, who did the score for Your Highness, is incredible. So I would love to see what he would do with the Goblin music."
Christ. Suspiria is one of my favorite movies. Also, it makes perfect sense to me. A girl goes to live and study at a ballerina school that has witches in it...witches that make creepy magic happen.
The problem of David Gordon Green is that he has written and directed some quality shit. What dragged him away from Undertow and George Washington? Weed? Listen, drugs might improve songwriting...but a drug obsession in film can lead to a lot of crap. Danny McBride? I am getting tired of the one note characters. Jonah Hill...well...he is branching out, what with Moneyball...
You know...I cannot really be upset with folks who give their friends the opportunity to work. No lie...hate me if you want...but if a friend offered me an opportunity to be part of a movie, I would snap it up.
I was thinking of posting about this, but I should've immediately figured you would jump on it. Here are some "choice" quotes from a Movieline interview:
"I think fans of that movie will see that we’re taking those concepts — and in some cases those scenes, and in some cases those exact shots and dialogue —and expanding on it and making it very artful. And hopefully, horrifying."
"We got the rights to the Goblin score, so we're going to use that. Steve Jablonsky, who did the score for Your Highness, is incredible. So I would love to see what he would do with the Goblin music."
Christ. Suspiria is one of my favorite movies. Also, it makes perfect sense to me. A girl goes to live and study at a ballerina school that has witches in it...witches that make creepy magic happen.
The problem of David Gordon Green is that he has written and directed some quality shit. What dragged him away from Undertow and George Washington?
Undertow was O.K. in a bland sort of way but George Washington I couldn't even get past the first five minutes -- it felt like the guy saw Days of Heaven and decided he wanted to be Malick. It's probably for the best he dropped the artsy-fartsy act and got on with his real talent: playing second or third-fiddle to friggin' Apatow. The bar's so low and no one wants to make the jump.
And how exactly does a remake of Suspiria get greenlit in the first place? It's a big film among horror fans, sure, but I suspect the name means jack to the audience their marketing department ("from the director of Pineapple Express comes a new weed of horror") will be targeting.
Life is mostly shit. Do we agree? Today has been a shit day, and to top it off, I find a glib little news teaser on 
Sums up my feelings about the project. I just wonder how he got this job after the bomb that was Your Highness.
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