Pilot Script for 'Wonder Woman' Leaked

There's been a lot of talk about David E. Kelley's upcoming reboot of Wonder Woman. Much has been made of Kelley's planned reimagining of the Amazon princess as a vigilante/career woman, but all we’ve had is broad hints at his plans — until now.

The Daily Beast has gotten a hold of Kelley's script for the Wonder Woman series pilot. It's dated December 16, 2010, so it's a fairly recent draft. Journalist Jace Lacob has gone through the script and made a few observations. Let me say, it doesn't sound good.

According to Lacob, Kelley's take on the iconic character as "a weepy career woman-slash-superheroine with three identities" is "laughably bizarre" and "both cloying and tragically un-hip," with the result being "more like Kelley's Ally McBeal than the feminist superhero who stands side-by-side with her fellow DC icons Superman and Batman."

He continues, "This is a woman whose feelings are hurt by people commenting on her breast size, who is looking for love in all the wrong places, and who wants to have it all! But the stilted dialogue and bizarre narrative conceits pale in comparison with some of the sacrilege being committed here."

In his article, Lacob goes through the script and highlights some of the more outlandish bits, a few of which I now present to you:

Pages 3-6: Buffy this isn't: Diana's first appearance, here in her guise as Wonder Woman, is a Hollywood Boulevard-based action sequence set, cringingly, to the outdated tune of Beyoncé's "Single Ladies," the first of many musical cues — including tracks by Lady Gaga and Kanye West — in the script, all of which seem to prove that a) Kelley is a few years behind the times, and b) he watches a lot of Glee, since nearly all of these songs have been covered by the show choir.

Pages 26-28: One of the most gasp-inducing moments in the script is when Diana has a meeting about the "Asian Wonder Woman" doll that her company is about to go into production on. Yes, Wonder Woman admits to being uncomfortable with the doll's ample anatomy, leading to a discussion of the size of her breasts and how people are let down when they see her in the flesh. But she seems to understand that the merchandise division helps pay for crime-fighting. "Big tits save lives!" she says, joking, I think. (Yes, read that bit again for good measure.) But the image-conscious Diana draws the line at a fat Wonder Woman. Har har. If you thought this laughable script was missing fat jokes, well, now you've got them.

Pages 29-31: Themyscira Industries [Wonder Woman's corporation] employs an in-house evidence team known as "The Animals" who work in an area called "The Dungeon." The twentysomethings here — including Austy, Jennie, and Ryan — dance around to Kanye West's "Golddigger" when they're not making sexually provocative comments toward their employer. A comment about boning up on Diana's rival Veronica Cale results in Austy making a comment about how he'd "Bone you up right now, boss."

But the worst has got to be the way Diana addresses the group, saying, "OK, class, we got 'bidness.'" Just ick. Wonder Woman as a woman trying to understand "man's world" from her vantage point as an outsider is one thing, but the way that Kelley is painting her, alternately vain, self-absorbed, weepy, and so desperately trying to be cool is a major turn-off on every page. Let's not forget that she is one of the world's pre-eminent superheroes, not a middle-aged white man out of touch with pop culture. The only thing missing from this cringe-worthy portrait is for her to break into a freestyle rap.

Pages 61-66: Diana and Myndi have a "sleepover," complete with ice cream ("It's been a three-scoop day") as they watch Katy Perry's sexually suggestive Wonder Woman homage music video and "scream like schoolgirls." Later, Diana glimpses her original costume in the closet (the Lynda Carter one!) and sadly stares at a picture of herself and [boyfriend] Steve [Trevor] in happier times, before crying herself to sleep. It's meant to paint Diana as remarkably human, but it again serves to undercut the character, making her appear weak and weepy. It's overkill as we already see how much Diana is affected by the lack of romance in her life, but turning her into a single girl with a Mr. Big complex seems a step way too far.

So, there you have it. In my earlier pieces on the show, I've mentioned that it sounds like a mixture of Ally McBeal and Sex and the City , and Lacob's comments seem to bear that out.

It should be remembered that the above comments are one man's opinion of a pre-production script. I'm sure it's already being redrafted. Also, a cold read of words on a page bears no relation to what will actually happen when the piece is put into production. Actors, directors and editors will all have their way with the material, which will no doubt change it immensely. But at least we now have some idea of the show's tone…which begs the question, Is this a Wonder Woman that you’ll watch?