my convention rant: BAD TOUCH

God, sorry to hear about your experience, Ash. That's just appalling. No matter how free the alcohol (or big the boobs), it's no excuse for being an asshole.

That's fucked up! I hate that kind of shit. That sucks.

Gag... this is so very aggravating. >

I wouldn't have the balls to walk up to a woman and grab her breasts even if she was looking at me while playing with her hair.

He should have jumped to your defense.

That's what I would have expected any real man to do. Because we're all suckers for chivalry.

Can't they get better security or something at this party? The behavior is so unbelievably disrespectful and it can get worse and be dangerous.

I was at a variety show/talent show and there was a woman on stage who wanted to crowd surf. So, the host (a dude) gave a disclaimer to the crowd, "If any of you motherfuckers, grope or touch her where you shouldn't, I'll fucking come into the crowd and cut your dicks off." The lady then crowd surfed and I'm happy to say no one groped her and a fun time was had by all.

Maybe, I think the venue could promote a spirit of having fun and not being weird and creepy. It really bothers me that you had to go through that. It sucks.

It's not just horror nerds who engage in disrespectful behavior. Women get groped against their will at night clubs, at concerts, at sports events. It's just the myth that women are constantly at the sexual disposal of men, that some men subconsciously or consciously hold in their heads.

Women are humans. Their not warm holes for men's dicks. It's just a different world that women have to walk through than men. But, I digress.

Men (or women) groping women is a power thing. It's a 'I don't care if YOU want it, I want it' attitude that is a sign of general disrespect towards women. It isn't that they think women will be turned on by the unwanted grope - its about THEIR fantasy of doing it and enjoying it, no matter what you want.

Unfortunately, some people feel powerless in their own lives, their sex lives, their work, their families, and when the 'atmosphere' is right they take these feelings of powerlessness out on someone else sexually. It makes them feel powerful, in a way, that they don't get from healthy outlets in their lives.

And why does it happen to Olivia Munn or Adrienne Curry, or any 'star' dressed like Leia? Because she has become an 'object' of lust to the nerds at her convention, and they do not see her as a full human being. She is objectified. Your boobs were hot, Ash, and the people who liked them objectified you and felt that it was okay to grope you, and I am so sorry that happened to you.

I appluad you for giving it to some dude in the crotch, but I urge you to reconsider keeping mum about it. This is going to happen to other women who may be even MORE hurt by it. The people who threw the party might be the best people to speak to - they threw it, so are in charge of the invite list and know everyone who came. They can privately take care of the problem and bring it up to guilty parties without causing a scandal or anyone else even knowing it happened. But I think you owe it to yourself to take some step towards telling them...

Ugh that's fucking bullshit, NOBODY ask to be touched inappropriately and even if you were drinking the word No still means FUCKING NO! I know that you have a lot of connections with that place Ash, but if that place isn't being sensitive to your situation I wouldn't do business with them anymore. They clearly think you were asking for that, god knows what could of happen if something worse happened if that shit went any further? And what if that happened to another woman?

Ugh I don't know there HAS TO BE SOMEONE ELSE that you can talk to because that really shows a lack of respect to women in horror. Just women in general period.

1KW has a point - even sepaking here is speaking out, and that is good.

Snd I don't care if you were nude - no one has the right to sexually touch anyone else without prior permission.

I'm glad you know this was in no way your fault. We're always her eto back up our members and to be honest with them.

are you insinuating that when I grope a man who doesnt enjoy it, that he doesn't enjoy it?

Hmm...reading this makes me a little nervous, not not nervous - annoyed. I'm going to my first horror con this fall. I've gone to other cons, but always with my husband. The horror one isn't really his thing, but I do costuming for haunts so I want to go make some new contacts, network and honestly am looking forward to a "me" vacation. I'll have some friends there, but otherwise am on my own. If something happens, it happens I guess. It's not like I won't know how to deal with it, I deal with guys like that on a daily basis when I'm working at haunts and faires and pretty much any bar in this college town I call home. I think what bothers me most is like what's been said before, why is this shit still happening and is even accepted behavior in some circles is bullshit. It really bothers me because my daughter loves the scifi con we go to every year, but is getting to the age where we really should be able to trust her to go off on her own to panels and gaming groups. And I do trust her, I just don't trust anyone else.

Just in case anyone's interested, I have one of these - my husband got it for me when I was having to be on campus late at night for theater shows. He was worried about me being the last one there at night and going to my car. It really is very pretty, I've even added a little charm to the end of mine and unless someone asks, no one knows what it is. It also makes an awesome seam ripper *LOL*

http://www.badgerblades.com/html/pendant_dagger.html

At all the conventions well the one I attended mostly is Texas Frightmare Weekend, I have been to I never had a problem, I mean I have been hit on by some old horror stars lol, but I was never touched inappropriately or felt uncomfortable. I would like to go to Texas Fright Fest some day, because I hear by some that's a bit more organized. I would also like to go to Horrorfind and Fangoria, there was one Fangoria here in Austin, but alas no money. Anyway back to the topic at hand, the decent conventions won't put up with that shit.

malenkia - a dagger disguised as jewelry is an awesome idea!!!
I honestly think the type of behavior ash describes is not the norm. I have gone to a lot of cons, and everyone does their fair share of flirting, but for someone to grab someone unexpectedly in an invasive way is never considered normal and is not common - most people do not treat other human beings like that, and I seriously believe that when they do, one should let them know, loudly and in front of others, that they have violated one. Crowd social control, public humiliation - sometimes these tools can be used for good.

Just have fun and be prepared to stick a kneww in a groin and call for security if anything like that should happen. But you will most likely be allright.

Ran, I'm really amazed at some of your stories. I can't believe your ex's friend - that's wrong on so many different levels. Honestly, if the genders were reversed, everyone would be saying 'why didn't you call the police?'. Because you are a man, I can see where the double standard fits in and it isn't fair. Women have no right to 'expect' that their advances will always be accepted by a man simply because he's male and should always want sex, no matter what.

Now, the blow job by the boat - that sounds okay but kinky if it was a date/hookup situation. If it came out of nowhere, that's a little presumptuous of the woman.

As long as both people are enjoying it, it's okay. But that's the only way it is ever okay.

Haha, you might have shaved with it. I decommissioned it after Desert Storm and generally they're either sunk and used to make artificial reefs or cut up and turned into razor blades.

Kinky and weird it was but I honestly didn't think that much of it after being out at sea for 3 months straight looking at the same ugly faces and doing the same dull routine. It didn't even really phase me when I turned around and got applauded from about 50 sailors lined up along the deck of the French aircraft carrier sitting there. She used me in that instance. I was just an onlooker.

Whenever guys or girls start talking about how much men are just dogs and only think about sex I have to chime in and say that from my experience woman are just as guilty.

Yeah it really is a two-way street.

I pretty much made it a rule to never dance under any circumstances. I had to make an exception on my wedding day.

Reading this post, I'm reminded of my youngest brother's wedding. I was the DJ for the event, and after the ceremony, put on my Utilikilt before all the dancing started.

My middle brother's girlfriend asked me several times to prove that I wore it in the traditional Scottish way. I assured her I did, but declined to prove it (there were kids present).

Anyway, I was one of the designated drivers back to the hotel, so I was very sober when the last of the guests piled into my middle brother's minivan. His girlfriend was riding shotgun and, not satisfied with my response, decided to let her fingers do the walking and check things out herself.

Well, she was a bit drunk, but pulled her hand back real fast when she discovered I was telling the truth. And she could not apologize enough the next day. Not just to me, but my date as well (who didn't have a clue to what happened).

Nothing sexual, just curiosity. And I doubt she would have done that if she wasn't quite tipsy and I wasn't her boyfriend's brother. Still, rather funny in my mind, as I think she expected to feel my underwear underneath, not my junk. Still a joke in the family today, after a couple of years.

So yea, if the mood strikes them, girls can be as grabby as guys. And I might not have the same humorous association with the event if it was a total stranger.