I mean, who doesn't like raunchy, nasty porn on a holodeck? With a cat? And the holographic Moriarty? I know I do.
I am pleased to say that I know Kitty Glitter personally, and have for a while before her newfound fame. Kitty Glitter is an African American lady of the urban persuasion with an adorable tyke named Rayshawn who illustrates all of his Mommy's erotica books in crayon. She's dreamed for a long time of following in her hero, Shirley Jackson's, footsteps, but it took Wil Wheaton himself to really make the dream of becoming rich and famous a reality. With Kitty's husband Champagne doing time, it's up to her to be the sole provider for her five children and now she can do that while writing the fanfiction pornography of which she's always dreamed.
I invited Kitty to come onto PlanetFury not as a fan, but as a celebrity and author, to let us into her world. With 7 available titles on her Amazon page, including Michael Jackson: The Sequel and Sherlock Holmes: A Strange Case of Dicklessness, she's on her way to a J.K. Rowling-like career in the annals of epic (porn) fantasy that involves rape and talking animals.
Tell us a little bit about how you got started as an author:
I've just always been writing, since I was a little girl. Also my favorite class in high school was Creative Writing and it was the only one I never cut. I would go just for that one period and miss the other classes. I studied literature in a university at one point and have always read everything I could get my hands on. I think reading authors you love is the only way to learn how to write.
I also found Stein On Writing helpful, it's all about writing fiction for modern attention spans, you need a lot of white space on the page, people don't like dense blocks of text.
Your most successful book to date is Wesley Crusher: Teenage Fuck Machine. What prompted you to write a story about Wesley crusher?
I have always loved Star Trek the original series but hated the Next Generation. Wesley Crusher was the one exception when it came to that show. He was meant to be like a cool badass character, the Heathcliff of the Enterprise but instead he was a bitch. So my story corrects that and makes Wesley Crusher super awesome and fun.
Overall I love the Star Trek franchise as a whole. I would say that "The City on The Edge of Forever" is the best episode of any television show in history regardless of genre but that episode annoys me because it kind of went in this bold direction that no other episode of any of the Star Trek series tried to take. Like just this crazy tragic romance. I wish every episode of Star Trek was that deep and depressing but also like uplifting, like a Katy Perry song.
Some critics have read deep psychological undertones in the novel; are they right, or are they missing some even deeper subtext?
I probably have a lot of issues but I won't always put them in my stories. I could write about a fat girl who eats Twinkies all day but I'm skinny and i don't eat Twinkies. I used to be a cutter though.
You seem to enjoy cats and make them prominent parts of your storylines. Why?
I love cats, they are fuzzy and cute and little but they take themselves so seriously. I like to watch my cat in her litter box and point at her and mock her for soiling the litter. Because what can she do? Scratch me? For invading her privacy? But cats are just funny, so easy to make up crazy personalities for them and everything they do automatically has a built in coolness to it, just like black people. We also both hate the water and stuff. I don't go in the ocean.
As an African-American woman, have you come up against racism or sexism in your attempt to become a legit novelist?
Not so much racism but guys will write me to ask me out and like I don't know if people want to meet in person like what their agenda is. But I feel it can help, especially if you are hot. A guy who is really close to me buys all the books by Christa Faust because he thinks she is totally hot, he likes her writing but he also likes to like get off on her pictures. So in that way being a girl makes it easier to some degree to get attention.
What do you feel about negative reviews of your work?
So far the negative reviews have pointed out flaws that didn't exist. Like mentioned conversion errors or typos that nobody else saw or that were not really a big deal. I don't always catch typos, but neither does The Times and they have people who get 100,000 a year to sit there all day and look for errors. I don't have time for that. I'm too rich for that! Did Whitney Houston have time to look for errors and stuff or did she have time to be a superstar?
But there are legitimate flaws in all my work. Not in Wesley Crusher though, for what that is meant to be it is flawless. I rarely ever achieve the effect I set out to get though, that was pretty rare. Oftentimes I want to be funny and people just get confused by what I wrote. Like why is a blob trying to save kids from a child raping cat? Or whatevs.
'A Strange Case of Dicklessness' features Sherlock Holmes. Can you tell us how he finds the dick, or does he? And does this novel feature the real Moriarty, or the holodeck Moriarty?
This story is set during the period when Sherlock was believed to be dead. So it focuses on Watson, the son of Sherlock Holmes, and a horse named Rudy who is a total asshole. The dick belongs to Jack the Ripper. I am really into Sherlock Holmes though.
What's your next planned novel?
Not sure what the title is but it involves some rape erotica, female neo Nazis, and miniature sized Jews from outerspace. This is going to be a joint thing. I write the fantastic weird fiction parts and my friend who does hardcore erotica is handling all the sex and stuff. So that is like an experiment and I am excited.
Besides that I have one coming out called Ghostly Ellis-Bextor which is about a sad kitten with a crooked tail who is really into Sophie Ellis-Bextor music. This one is really autobiographical though. I see myself as a sad kitty with a crooked tail that nobody wants to adopt but like now that everyone thinks I am awesome I don't feel that way so it's kind of weird.
But I don't know. I just really really love Sophie Ellis-Bextor, like almost to the point where my heart can't take it and I feel like Wes Bentley in American Beauty.
My real big project though is The Wet Clits, an ongoing series about an all-girl female chipmunk band. The lead singer, Clitney, is a nympho and also super tight but she is a size queen, to the point where it's pathological. Nobody is big enough for her so she is always on the hunt. She actually becomes ill in the presence of small penises like that is her kryptonite. Most of the villains are guys with really small dicks.
Do you have any advice for aspiring authors out there who want to get the word out?
Just go with your instincts. Never worry about what people think, especially when it comes to writing the actual stories. Just do whatever you want.
Also just do random shit but don't be mean and harrass people. Support other DIY people, like all the good energy you put out will come back to you.
You never know what will work. I mean I bought A Laymon Kind of Night by some guy cuz I love Richard Laymon books. But A Laymon Kind of Night turned out to be shit and nothing like Laymon. So the trick marketing fails if the actual product fails to deliver. It's like putting a picture of Katy Perry on your dating profile when you look like Rosie O'Donnell. The guy will come meet you but then he's just gonna pretend to go to the bathroom and sneak out the back door.
I mean I don't think my story would have taken off if it sucked.
I mean apparently some guy named Tim Waggoner who has mainly written Freddy Krueger fan fiction posted Wesley Crusher on his wall and all that did was lead to a lot of hate mail and people posting bootleg copies of my story for free. I don't know why that time all I got was bad press and then two weeks later it flipped and went good. I don't know. It's crazy. Seriously. I mean isn't Wesley Crusher fairly obscure?
And please just don't write anymore zombie novels where people are surviving in a world and there a zombies everywhere and like one guy is tough and has guns but this other guy is all about Jesus. It's like go fuck yourselves wannabe authors jumping on the zombie bandwagon. I hate you people!