Just yesterday I stumbled upon the old made for TV Hansel and Gretel movie and couldn't help but be reminded how fucking scary that story is. There's a reason it's often referred to in horror contexts, and there is a reason I always lose my shit when I see a gingerbread house in the woods. Old women who eat children is a very scary thing.
Which is why I was sort of excited and also horrified to read about the latest news in Hollywood involving Paramount's latest venture, Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters. Taking place years after the fairy tale ended, Hansel and Gretel have now become bounty hunters that search the land seeking out those vile witches and killing them--preferably with cross bows. The film is not a horror film however but an action one.
The film is being directed by Tommy Wirkola (Dead Snow) and will be produced by Adam McKay and Will Ferrell. Recently cast as Gretel is Gemma Arterton (Clash of the Titans) and Jeremy Renner (The Hurt Locker and The Town) will be playing Hansel.
I don't know what to think about this. I want to tell you that I think it's stupid, and laughable. I want to tell you that I would rather watch Little Fockers than this--but I can't. There's something insanely gratifying about seeing this film come to life. Sure, I would have preferred the film to stick to its scary, almost horror like roots--but a balls to the wall action flick with Hansel and Gretel as witch hunters? I'll take it.
Sure it may be awful, and Will Ferrell might make things unnecessarily funny---but you guys, it's Hansel and Gretel hunting and killing witches. Everybody wins! Except the witch because being old and still single is a very evil and nasty thing.
Hopefully, it won't turn into some weird action-comedy hybrid like the upcoming Green Hornet. As long as Seth Rogen stays away, we might be okay.
A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it's not open.