Directed by: Robert Clouse
Written by: S. Lee Pogostin, Sylvia Schneble
Cast: Joe Don Baker, Elizabeth Ashley, Ann Sothern, Jim Kelly, Burgess Meredith
When one thinks of martial art film stars, the names that come to mind probably won't include Joe Don Baker. While the beefy American actor could carry an action film (as he did in Walking Tall), his stature and fighting style isn't associated with the techniques we expect in a martial arts movie.
But then, despite any expectations, Golden Needles isn't a martial arts film. Sure, a bulk of the action takes place in Hong Kong and we get a few moments of kung fu fighting (courtesy of Jim Kelly and Frances Fong). But the movie is more a mystery than a martial arts showcase and it's best to go into the film not expecting a repeat of director Robert Clouse's two previous films, Enter the Dragon and Black Belt Jones.
The film revolves around a nifty MacGuffin: an acupuncture statue that shows forbidden points capable of reviving a man's sexual vitality at any age. But, if the needles are applied in the wrong sequence, it will lead to a painful death. Judging by the opening scene, some are willing to take the risk, as an elderly man is ready to bed four young women after receiving the treatment. Too bad for him that a couple of thugs armed with flamethrowers put a quick end to that dream.
When Felicity (Elizabeth Ashley) tries to collect the statue from crime boss Lin Toa (Roy Chiao), he decides to renegotiate his commission. Not wanting to return empty-handed to her boss, Felicity turns to her Hong Kong connection, Kwan, for help. He suggests hiring his ex-partner Dan (Joe Don Baker) to steal the statue. Dan wrangles a hefty fee, including sex, from his new client (okay, this becomes important later; not to the plot, but to the general tone of the film), then breaks into Toa's office and steals the statue.
After shipping the statue to L.A., Kwan is murdered by Toa's men. Dan flies stateside and reunites with his former partner, Jeff (Jim Kelly, a karate champ who appeared several '70s martial arts films, including Enter the Dragon and Black Belt Jones), to retrieve the figure. Along the way, Dan gets involved with a Hong Kong (or possibly Chinese) policewoman, Su Lin (Frances Fong), and Felicity's boss, Winters (Burgess Meredith). An aging millionaire, Winters wants the statue not to "bring a smile to a young woman's face," as Toa puts it, but to prolong his life. Double and triple crosses ensue, while Dan tries to play as many sides as possible, avenge his friend's death and put a few bucks in his pocket.
As I mentioned earlier, it might be surprising to some that Golden Needles isn't a martial arts film. Director Robert Clouse, coming straight off Enter the Dragon and Black Belt Jones, assembled all the elements for a kung fu action film. Most of the film takes place in Hong Kong, the script adds in the elements of acupuncture and forbidden techniques into the mix and one of his stars is a skilled martial artist/actor.
Judging by his later work (such as the abysmal Gymkata), Clouse was never able to rekindle the excitement of Enter the Dragon. And, in this feature, it seems he isn't trying to match the kung fu mayhem of his earlier work. That decision was probably for the best, as his lead actor is more of a brawler. That's not to say Baker is bad in the role, but he's more a bull in a china shop than a martial arts master. He plows into the bad guys and pummels them into submission, while looking for any opportunity to employ his favorite technique: throwing his opponent through a window. I'm not kidding; if a pane of glass is nearby, you know Baker will toss a bad guy through it. It's probably wise that Clouse allowed Dan's fighting technique to match the actor's physique, as finding a suitable martial artist stunt double for Baker would have been quite difficult. And even if they'd found someone who matched Baker's hulking frame, coordinating the stuntman's movements to the actor would have been impossible.
As for Kelly, he's underused in this film. He only gets one very brief action sequence and his appearance borders on a cameo role (but it's likely the billing status of "Guest Star" is code for little screen time). It feels a bit like the classic bait-and-switch, as most of Kelly's fans would see his name and expect more scenes with him putting his foot into a bunch of thugs' faces.
While it's a letdown in the martial arts aspect, the film works as a goofy mystery. And I say that because the script plays out like an adolescent male's dream of life in Hong Kong. Our hero has no discernable job skills and no past experience to suggest he could take on a crime lord. He spends his time in a seedy Mahjong parlor run by Fenzie (Ann Sothern), fielding job offers based on a reputation for getting things done, which is strong enough to include sex with his female clients. I guess anyone able to crack a safe without tools and kick the asses of goons with better fighting skills deserves such a reputation. But the script offers no explanation of how Dan came to possess his abilities, other than he's an American badass seeking his fortune in Hong Kong. In the movie world, maybe that's enough for you to suspend your disbelief and just roll with it.
As for the romance between him and Felicity (yes, the script goes there as well), it lacks any spark or sense of authenticity. After fulfilling her end of the bargain, she's ready to settle down with Dan at the end of the movie. The only way to tolerate this aspect of the script is to write it off as another fantasy moment designed to appeal to young boys (unlike most martial arts features of the time, this film is rated PG, meaning adolescent males didn't have to sneak into the theater).
But asking for a better script would be too much. Golden Needles is a simple B movie at heart, with enough momentum to keep things moving and providing a few bursts of fun along the way. Jim Kelly kicking a bad guy's ass in a locker room full of overweight naked men is wildly unexpected and you might end up giggling while wondering how that scene made it into the film. In true bad-guy style, Meredith chomps away at the two scenes he's in, all while wearing rainbow colored bowties, and it's glorious. Despite my quibbles with the script, the film doesn't feel like it wasted any of its 92-minute running time, other than the romantic moments between Baker and Ashley. To the screenwriters' credit, the script gets that out of the way within the first act. It might not be a glowing recommendation, but the film isn't boring and moves at a pretty good pace.
This MOD (Made on Demand) DVD features decent picture and sound quality, though a few cigarette burns (the marks on the upper right corner of the screen indicating a reel change) are evident. Be warned, if you don't use a standard DVD player as your primary source of movie watching, the disclaimer on the cover for this film states the DVD may not play on all devices (it worked fine on my Mac computer). And, as expected, the DVD doesn't include any extras, not even a trailer.
I have to mention that while watching it for this review, I remembered catching the film decades ago on The CBS Late Night Movie, before David Letterman replaced those fun, low-brow movies and reruns of The Night Stalker shown every weeknight opposite Carson (now you have an idea how old I am). It was fun back then, certainly worth staying up late on a school night to watch. And the film is a great example of the type of film Hollywood doesn't make anymore — the cinematic equivalent of a great pub meal topped with a nice, hoppy beverage. It still works today, as long as you don't expect much in the way of plot or martial arts action.
So, the question is whether you should spend the money on Golden Needles, knowing it won't show up in a Walmart discount bin. It all depends on why you want to buy it. If you're a Joe Don Baker fan or have fond memories of late-night television movies, it's worth a purchase. If you're looking for a fun little B-picture that's an enjoyable way to pass a rainy Saturday afternoon with a few beers (or the beverage of your choice), you'll have a fine time. But if you expect a lot of Jim Kelly karate coolness or a massive kung fu action fest, I suggest passing it by.
Rating: (3 out of 5):
