Doggie Woggiez, Poochie Woochiez
Directed by Commodore Gilgamesh and Ghoul Skool
Doggie Woggiez, Poochie Woochiez is not a film; it is an experience unlike any other.
Other filmmakers have only hinted at what Doggie Woggiez, Poochie Woochiez is; Damon Packard, with Reflections of Evil comes close, but the people at Everything Is Terrible take it further than Packard could ever have dreamed. Packard still uses his own footage when he edits; these guys don’t film a thing. They take forgotten VHS tapes and edit out the worst/best parts of them into separate videos. And it’s genius, which is why they’re still doing it.
Doggie Woggiez, Poochie Woochiez is their third feature-length endeavor (the first two are kind of-movies, mostly their shorts strung together) and it’s absolutely unfathomable how anyone has the patience that these people have. There are literally thousands of cuts between different videos, each segment sometimes lasting only two or three seconds.
The official website for the project says, “what if this time around we made a movie composed ENTIRELY out of dog related found footage? What if this magickal movie (made up of thousands of other dog movies) was also a remake of Jodorowsky's 1973 masterpiece, 'The Holy Mountain?’”
What if? And what if it ended up better than I could ever have dreamed?
Look, this is a movie of short segments of dogs doing stupid stuff taken from bad VHS releases, so if that’s not your thing, then give up now. But, like me, if it is your thing, then this is the most amazing film you’ll see all year. Hundreds of fast images of dogs move across your eyeballs, inducing siezures of the soul caused by what I'm sure are subliminal messages; Amy Foster from Punky Brewster shows up, on a bed, with some kind of creepy puppet dog; Turner and Hooch, K-9 and all the other shitty '90s cop-and-dog cop movies show up; commercials the likes of which you thought you’d blocked out long ago flit; children’s shows that terrify; and, of course, there are many many images that are completely untraceable, unidentifiable and completely foreign in every way. There’s even a werewolf movie in there, I'm pretty sure.
Gilgamesh and Skool have taken only the most important moments from all these sources. You won’t have a moment of your time wasted on a build-up or an intro moment — all clips are directly related to what they want you to understand: Dogs are doing stuff. Stupid stuff, cute stuff, jumping stuff, shit stuff, lovey stuff, eating stuff and dancing. Your brain will be bombarded by image after image with no rest and no context. You’ll be forced to consume information your mind cannot process in any reasonable fashion. You’ll panic, but then relax and start to see patterns in the clips; for instance, the segments start to flow into themes, like “dogs jumping over fire hydrants” and “dogs saying cliché lines that involve dog puns” and “dogs smashing through windows.” This pattern becomes more highly evolved as the film goes on and it becomes clear that the filmmakers are making a statement (even if they might not know it) about sociology stuff. Yes, they have compiled an important, and detailed, description of how canines are imagined in Western culture. It’s enough for a thesis. Can these guys get an honorary master's in sociology from a Cal State, please?
When the bombardment continues until you think you will die, there’s a still and a lull that takes over completely. Suddenly, the viewer has a mystical experience (yes, the Jadorowsky thing): A mystical mountain pile of dog faces and images moves across the screen for what seems like seconds (could be years), inducing hallucinations and complete mental breakdown in every way.
Aside from the mystical hallucinations, the filmmakers are making some art. You see, they’re transforming what was once meaningless crap into more meaningful crap/art (you know, like Andy Warhol). By taking someone else’s creation and completely changing the meaning and context, they not only avoid copyright law violations but make something brand new and awesome that stands alone as a tribute to canines and their place in our culture. They very clearly love dogs. And stupid footage of dogs from bad movies.
This is not a film for stupid people, because stupid people need context. Stupid people should probably just rent Turner and Hooch instead. However, if you’re smart, love doggiez and are ready for an uncomfortable, but exhilarating encounter with a barrage of overwhelming information (that is, if you think you can handle it), then you need to see Doggie Woggiez, Poochie Woochiez.
Rating: (5 out of 5):
Sounds pretty trippy. Where was this movie in 1977? I could've used it then...
A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it's not open.