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'Beastly'; helping with the teenagification of EVERYTHING since 2011

Posted by Superheidi | Mon, December 06 2010

I remember when I thought shit like the new fantasy film trailer for Beastly was cool: 1987.

Look, I love Teen Witch as much as the next girl. I also love fairy tales. But the recent influx of teenage-themed genre movies is getting me all gagging. First we have to content with Twilight, then the announcements for The Hunger Games and The Maze Runner. Now Beastly, too. This is just... unbearable. Seriously.

We have Mary-Kate Olsen doing the WORST acting I've ever seen in a trailer (remember, we put her BEST scenes in the trailer. ugh), plus a story about how looks aren't important, and if you're an ugly guy you can make a woman fall in love with you.. but she better be hot. Just like the original Beauty and the Beast fairy tale, a woman must ALWAYS be beautiful if she is to be worthy of a man's love; a man can be nice, sweet, intelligent, etc. and ugly, and it is up to the woman to see past his looks.

But chicks had better always be hot. Period.

Way to go, CBS, for not updating this outdated story with anything that matters; you stuck it in a high school, added musical pop teen sensation Vanessa Someone, and voila! Updated. Except the parts of the story that matter; they're still archaic. By the way, did I mention Mary-Kate stinks in this trailer? This should be out March 18th, 2011.

Oh! I did forget that Neil Patrick Harris may be the saving grace of this thing. I said 'may'.

Seventeen year old Kyle (Alex Pettyfer) is the spoiled, shallow and incredibly popular prince of his high school kingdom. Entirely captivated and empowered by his own physical appearance, Kyle foolishly chooses Kendra (Mary-Kate Olsen) as his latest target for humiliation. But things are not as they seem and the disgraced Kendra, a witch masquerading as a high school student, enacts the perfect revenge. She transforms Kyle into someone as unattractive on the outside as he is on the inside. Now he has one year to find someone to love him, or he will remain “Beastly” forever. To break the spell, Kyle must discover a beauty who can see past the surface. His only hope, a quiet classmate he never noticed named Lindy (Vanessa Hudgens), may be his best chance to prove that love is never ugly.

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Mon, 12/06/2010 - 21:27

Private J.V. Vasquez

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I have heard of this movie for a while now lol I remember they were going to release it this summer, but pushed it back because didn't want to be competition for her boyfriend's movie.

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Tue, 12/07/2010 - 15:36

Thomwade

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one thousand wolves wrote:

Heidi I think you may have stumbled onto something special here. You could make a movie like Beauty and the Beast, only the Beast is female. It sounds simple but I don't think I've ever seen anything like that. I'm not one hundred percent certain audiences would accept it. It fits perfectly with one of the other posts on here - can't remember which one but you and Tristan were talking about how men are insulted by disparaging their deeds while women are insulted by disparaging their looks. Would an audience ever accept a female Beast?

Shrek.

It's possible in animation.

Tue, 12/07/2010 - 17:16

Superheidi

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Thomwade wrote:

one thousand wolves wrote:

Shrek.

It's possible in animation.

Sort of - you have to remember that the Princess was never even really ugly as a Troll. I always wondered how many chubby freckled redheaded girls were in the audience watching that movie the first time Fiona turns 'ugly' and thought, "Hey... 'ugly Fiona' looks like 'regular me'."

Is there a movie with a hideous woman who is actually loved, romantically, by any man (and not in a morbid or sick way like in Jenifer)?

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Tue, 12/07/2010 - 18:21

matango

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So what, the guy learns that it doesn't really matter how you look as long as you've got loads of money?

Thu, 12/09/2010 - 14:55

Tristan Sinns

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matango wrote:

So what, the guy learns that it doesn't really matter how you look as long as you've got loads of money?

If a guy is rich, there are plenty of attractive women who would be willing to give him a shot, regardless of his physique or even his character.

Culture is shallow on both sides of the gender fence.

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Thu, 12/09/2010 - 17:20

matango

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Tristan Sinns wrote:

matango wrote:

So what, the guy learns that it doesn't really matter how you look as long as you've got loads of money?

If a guy is rich, there are plenty of attractive women who would be willing to give him a shot, regardless of his physique or even his character.

Culture is shallow on both sides of the gender fence.

There'll also be the important message that it doesn't matter that he's ugly because at the end of the movie, he'll be turned into a hot dude again.

Thu, 12/09/2010 - 20:07

Superheidi

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matango wrote:

There'll also be the important message that it doesn't matter that he's ugly because at the end of the movie, he'll be turned into a hot dude again.

Yes! But she must stay hot or he'll dump her.

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Thu, 12/09/2010 - 22:12

Thomwade

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Superheidi wrote:

matango wrote:

There'll also be the important message that it doesn't matter that he's ugly because at the end of the movie, he'll be turned into a hot dude again.

Yes! But she must stay hot or he'll dump her.

That's totally different. Besides, she is allowed to be ugly. If the definition of ugly is..you know... "wears glasses".

Fri, 12/10/2010 - 13:16

Superheidi

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Ugly girls also have no makeup on. I hate it when I walk down the street and see a woman with glasses and maybe a ponytail and want to just throw up.

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Fri, 12/10/2010 - 15:00

#10

Thomwade

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I TOTALLY get where you are coming from Heidi. Ponytails... *shiver*

Sun, 12/12/2010 - 20:38

#11

Private J.V. Vasquez

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Hey you guys there is Beauty and the Beast with Linda Hamilton and Ron Pearlman? Well the Beast he stays a Beast they loved each other and had a kid and well she died in the third season. Man that sucked I really liked that show as a kid although I thought it was strange he didn't turned in a prince, but Vincent was awesome he was a cat person and really loved Catherine and showed the true meaning of what being beautiful and heroic was. Plus Catherine was a DA they fight crime together too if my memory serves me correctly.

Than there was this other movie with Sarah Polley that was a play on that as well kind of called No Such Thing. It was interesting, but I didn't like how she was a bitch to him and well it just didn't go very well together how she wanted him to be famous when she found the monster. I mean I liked it, but at the same time I didn't plus never really returned the monster's feelings. until the very end ugh.

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Sun, 12/12/2010 - 20:13

#12

MeganHussey

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Please forgive the shameless self-promotion, but I wrote a reverse Beauty and the Beast story called "Behold the Beauty"; the heroine isn't a literal beast, but a renaissance-era healer with strong opinions and a very unconventional appearance, who wins the heart of a gorgeous prince. My ultimate dream is to see it become a movie.

Mon, 12/13/2010 - 16:26

#13

Superheidi

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Not shameless!~ very topical.

I like the message - I hate that the Beauty is always a woman who must always be hot, so any deviation or odea that challenges that is good in my book.

Vanessa, I also like the beauty and the beast Tv series, but remember that Linda Hamilton was hot. It's okay for the dude to be ugly, but the chick? She's gotta be hot.

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Mon, 12/13/2010 - 23:26

#14

Private J.V. Vasquez

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Hahah that's true Heidi, but some dudes I know, but there dumb they think Linda Hamilton is average or ugly again what do they know.

Well there is the one with Christina Rici I didn't finish that one all the way through, but she became hot in the end as well blah Penelope. Yeah the only one is Shrek, we need more of these. Man even in Angela Carter in her verson of "Beauty and The Beast" well she said The Beast transformed into a regular man, but kind of looked like a boxer so I guess maybe just an average joe kind of looking man?

Wait though I think the Beauty of the story was kind of pretty, but by no means like amazingly beautiful I have to read it again.

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