Directed by Adam Gierasch
Written by Adam Geirasch, Jace Anderson, E.L. Katz
Featuring Robert Patrick, Jessica Lowndes, Michael Bowen, Jenette Goldstein, Robert LaSardo, Ashley Schneider
2008, Horrorfestonline.com
"Why I Loved Autopsy" by Paula Haifley
In the interest of full disclosure I will admit that I, like Heidi, am friends with the writers and director of Autopsy. She didn't like it. I thought it was as fun as a barrel of serial killers. Here are ten reasons why you should give Autopsy a chance:...
1) Jenette Goldstein is always awesome. In this, she's weird and creepy and I think her old-fashioned nurse's uniform matches with her germaphobic weirdo personality. She follows Dr. Benway with an almost religious-like reverence because she thinks he's a god of medicine. She's found someone whose crazy matches her own, like an easily influenced college student whose ideas begin to mirror her college professor's.
Jenette Goldstein is in this
2) Gore a go go. This movie has all the head bashing, car crashing, gut spilling fun you'd expect from any rated-R horror film. There's a part where a dude's organs are suspended OUTSIDE his body. And he's STILL ALIVE. How super rad is that?
3) Hotties. If you're into guys, girls, or exposed craniums, the film has it all.
Heidi thinks Robert Patrick is a hottie. So what?
4) Male nudity. This hot naked dude (don't worry uncomfortable men, you only see his butt) jumps on this girl and pins her down. While she fights him off, somehow she rips open an incision and his guts spill out all over her. Hot naked guy AND a disemboweling? Sign this girl up!
5) Mad scientist. Robert Patrick is motivated by love, which makes everyone at least a little crazy, to kidnap and experiment on countless people. I don't really care how he makes his serum work. Did we get an explanation of how Dr. Frankenstein found the key to life? Itself? Sometimes a cigar should just be a cigar.
Did I mention Robert Patrick yet?
6) Scary dying lady. She's not as scary as Zelda in Pet Semetary, but a scary dying lady is an element that just isn't used enough any more.
7) Drug-induced hallucinations of the body-reanimating-while-still-in-the-body-bag-kind.
8) I'm sick of the fact that every horror movie now deals with the cell phone invention by having one person say, "There's no coverage out here," and then forgetting about it. Autopsy at least has an interesting getting rid of the cell phone gag that leads to some tense moments.
9) Nothing in this film is too serious. It knows what it is, and it runs with it. It's rock and roll; it's a bull in a china shop.
10) Did I mention the male nudity?
I wish I had a picture of male nudity in this movie
Yes, Autopsy wasn't Silence of the Lambs, but wasn't House of the Dead either. I'd class it with recent offerings My Bloody Valentine and the Friday the 13th reboot. It's a fun genre picture with hot actors, lots of blood, and completely unrealistically awesome science. It's great fun, but not in a bad TV movie way. It's fun in a '70s or '80s slasher film way, something you remember fondly from the first time you saw it as a teenager and still enjoy. Even if you're not as big a fan of male nudity as I am, I recommend checking it out with some friends and some beers.
