11-11-11 (2011)

Directed by: Darren Bousman
Written by: Darren Bousman
Starring: Timothy Gibbs, Michael Landes, Wendy Glenn

11-11-11, not to be confused with The Asylum's 11/11/11, is an odd duck. Mostly because it's terrible, but also because it takes the phrase "what the fuck?" to a whole new level. Don't get too excited, because you won't be saying "what the fuck?" in reference to some grotesque form of the devil's torture chamber; you'll be saying "what the fuck?" because nothing makes any fucking sense. It's an entire hour and 30 minutes of meaninglessness that leads up to more meaninglessness, sprinkled with some grains of stupid.

After the tragic death of his wife and child, famed American author Joseph Crone (Timothy Gibbs, the poor man's George Clooney) travels from the United States to Barcelona, Spain, to reunite with his estranged brother, Samuel, and dying father, Richard. However, fate has a different plan for Joseph as his life becomes plagued with strange happenings and the constant sightings of the number 11. Curiosity quickly turns to obsession, and Joseph soon realizes that this number holds a horrific meaning not only to himself but possibly to all of religion. Isolated in a foreign country with only the support of his companion, Sadie, Joseph soon realizes that 11/11/11 is more than just a date — it's a WARNING!

11-11-11 is one of those movies that likes to use unexplained details as major plot developments. Sorry, they do explain them, I should say. But they are thrown in at random points for all of two seconds of movie time. For example: One of the first things we know is that Joseph's wife and son died in a fire. Why did they die in a fire? Does this have something to do with his character's strong distaste of religion or something? Forty-five minutes later, we get the answer to this question, as Joseph lets it slip, "Did you forget some crazed fanatic read my book and burned my wife and son alive?" Oooh, you don't say. It's great because that little piece of information would have really helped define that character, don't you think? Good thing we find it out when the movie is practically over.

Speaking of which, 11-11-11 is kind of like one big exercise in pointlessness. The entire beginning of the film follows the pattern of having something "eventful" happen, which is then followed by the next day's date, slowly counting down to 11-11-11. These eventful happenings consist of things like Joseph writing in his diary. Cut to 11-8-11. Joseph goes to the grocery store and his total is $11.11. Cut to 11-9-11. Joseph eats a sandwich. 11-10-11. I made up most of those details but, trust me, the real thing is no different. I ask you 11-11-11 filmmakers, why are those scenes necessary? If you said to build up characterization, or to invoke a sense of dread leading up to the day, you would be right…IF that's what those segments do. But they don't. They are pointless, rushed and boring. By the time "real" things start happening, we really couldn't be less motivated to care.

The fact is, there's supposed to be this huge ominousness about 11-11-11. We're also suppose to get a sense that Joseph is really struggling with his inner demons and his atheism, and also maybe something about his childhood. The real fact of the matter is that the movie does both of these things terribly, which therefore makes the entire movie terrible because the entire movie is based around these two key points.

The film is not scary. It is tedious, poorly made and uses demons that look like potatoes left out in the rain. The whole thing is just a gigantic uninspired mess that feels like it was maybe a real movie, but was then savagely edited to death by someone who likes to bore the crap out of people.

Don't expect big payoffs here, or anything that resembles concrete explanation. It's just bad and I can't even think of anything positive to say about it. Oh wait, I know — they used that deep demonic voice thing in this. I love that!

Seriously, when "The type of flawed gem horror fans are meant to cherish" is the quote chosen by the marketing team to go on the DVD box, you know something is up. The only kind of good thing someone said about the movie was that it was flawed? That's like when someone says "you're pretty for an ugly person," except worse, because the producers of 11-11-11 picked that to promote their movie.

Rating: (1 out of 5):